Sadness is something I have come to watch, rather than participate in. I have been exercising great patience with myself as I learn how my body and mind work separately and together. It's funny, our posture, how we move our limbs, how we walk, stand, breathe is a reflection of either the mind working on the body, or the body moving the mind. I think this is why people who are practicers of yoga, practicers of breath, are the true heavy weight champions. Being able to go internally and lift emotional weights from your body one by one is an incredible task to take on, and even the slightest bit of movement in this way is remarkably commendable.
Patience, a great virtue, but what is patience really? This thought has been racing my mind for a few days now. What does it mean to be patient, when do we know we are being patient, when is patience required, is patience necessary? Well, when trying to figure out what a word means and how it plays into our life we have this great resource called the dictionary, and it says patience is "the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset." I have learned that patience is part of the cause of our victories.
Okay, well then what is it to be victorious? Again, if we head to the dictionary we see that victory is "an act of defeating an enemy or opponent in a battle, game, or other competition." Well, then if we are victorious, at least partially, through patience then we can come to the conclusion that 'winning' in this game of life requires that we are able to accept or tolerate the 'enemy' of sadness and anger. So then is it merely victorious to do this some of the time, or must we always be accepting and tolerating these emotions of sadness and anger?
We create our realities, we create our happiness, our sadness, our insecurities. So then we create our own victory. We must be willing to accept and 'defeat' the parts of ourselves that cause great emotional discomfort, which is reflected physically. This is patience, and victory in patience. Forgiveness is how we release these emotions of anger and sadness that we have created. To be truly victorious is to forgive yourself, over and over again until the sadness is gone and strength shines through your being. Forgiveness is my answer today, and every day.
It has been very difficult accepting that I manifested the environment of being raped, hard to face the part of myself that was sexually frustrated and confused. It's hard to face things we do not like, and this is why desire is can be seen as a weakness. By observing your desires you can understand why you desire those things, and then forgive yourself for that desire. Learn to observe your own worst enemy, yourself, and not engage in the patterns that are being de-sensitized and integrated in your being from birth. Become your master, your own best lover, by understanding your own worst enemy is also you, and then forgiving yourself. Forgive, forgive, forgive, and be grateful that there is a power within you that is able to forgive. For gratitude is the wind that pushes our sails on the ocean, and forgiveness is how we build our ship.