Embracing the purpose your soul was given is difficult. Our ego gets in the way, telling us that there's no way it's going to work out, or that you aren't good enough, or that it's just blasphemes in general. Well, acknowledge your ego, and then politely tell it to shut the fuck up. Your dream, your passion, your drive- you are too important to let that identity of hate and protection get in the way of taking risks and living life as you see fit. I've been in tears almost everyday for three weeks now, and I have a feeling there will be many more days to come. I've been learning to tune out my ego, to accept my life the way it's been laid out, and to embrace the fact that I'm a healer and a light worker- a creator in all senses.
Coming to Asheville to go to yoga school didn't break my heart, I knew it was time to leave Florida- to move on. It was the first time I have left a place since my senior year of high school that I wasn't running away. This time, I was running to. I don't know which is better, I think neither for the fact is that I am still running, but all I've ever known is running. Running from my parents, running from fear, from hate, from love, from connection, from passion, from drive, and from all the things in between. To finally be running TO something, and not away, is the step I needed to let go of running all together. I have come to peace within myself many times over this week.
My yoga training- wow. I'm only two days in and already I'm letting go of SO much, learning so much, and embracing myself as who I am. Everyone here has been so supportive, and not just of my body when we're learning how to adjust poses in class- no, everyone has shown each other nothing but love. I didn't get to participate today in the flow part of our class, I was to observe and takes notes- so, like a good little yogi, I did. There was a girl who just started crying in the middle of our flow- an emotional breakthrough, not break down. It made me realize of all the sensitive spots I still have inside myself. I consulted my teacher after class and let her know all the things I'm working on. She listened, offered space, and told me she understood with nothing but her eyes and touch. One day, I will be this teacher- in fact, I have already been this teacher, just rather in a different setting. We are all teachers, but we must first teach ourselves to move forth and teach others.
I have always been a teacher, and this is because I've always loved learning and sharing what I learn with others. Being able to open the space for healing, to open the space for love and compassion, is all I've ever wanted- yoga has been this vehicle for me since I was 18. I've always known I was going to live a bit of a different life, but growing up in a liberally conservative household I had no idea how hard it was going to be to break my conditioning. Letting go of my parent's expectations for me has been hard. Our parents (usually, in my case thankfully this is the case) only want the best for us, but how can they ever know what's truly best for us- no one knows you like you. Follow your heart- detach from ego, for it is the only way we can ever detach from future pain.
I have embraced my weird lifestyle, my traveling for much longer periods than most Americans, my spiritual ways, my openness to God, my compassion and light in this world. It is not easy to break down the walls you have accidentally built around yourself. To embrace yourself fully though, I promise you, in no doubt, with a love in my heart that has left me speechless more hours than not, YOU are worth all the hard work, all the heartbreak, and all the delightful rewards that come with accepting your Truth. In less than more words, I say Namaste.
A lot of people have asked me to keep them updated on my journey, on my schooling, on my life. So many that unfortunately it would take me all day every day to write and call everyone, and then my journey would just constantly be updating people- not at all my M.O.- so, this story board will now serve as the updates in my life. If I don't get back to you in the coming weeks/months, please be understanding and know I am hard at work serving myself, God, and all others who walk the path of seeking. Truth is something we don't have to seek, for it is something we already know. To future endeavors, I am learning to let go. Thank you all for the support, I hope you treat the world as you treat yourself, vice versa, and remember to breath. Your breath is your home, for it is the one thing we all know.